September 13 — It’s Safe for Me to Love

Orange sunset over the Pacific Ocean and apartment buildings in Lima, Peru

Sunday Morning in Lima I woke up early Sunday morning in my apartment in Barranco, and I was still very much in that strange space between the retreat and regular life. I had some coca tea, yogurt and water, dealt with more laundry, checked my email, and was generally trying to get myself situated. Having…

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September 12 — Leaving the Jungle and Landing Back in the World

Leaving Blue Morpho It was really strange waking up knowing that we were leaving Blue Morpho. Somehow, in the space of five days, the retreat had become my whole reality. There was the maloca, the jungle, the lake, the paths between everything, the sounds at night, the meals, the ceremonies, the same group of people…

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September 11 — San Pedro and the Last Full Day at Blue Morpho

Blue Morpho retreat group gathered beside the pool with thatched jungle lodges behind them

Friday was our San Pedro ceremony and our last full day at Blue Morpho. By this point I had done three ayahuasca ceremonies in four nights, barely slept the first couple of nights, sweated constantly, gotten covered in bug bites, had more cold showers than I could count, and had so much information and emotion…

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September 10 — The Lake, Love and the Third Ceremony

Thatched-roof Lake House beside a jungle pond at Blue Morpho retreat in Peru

I slept really well Wednesday night, finally. I went to bed around 9:30 and slept until about 6:30 in the morning, which felt amazing after the first couple of nights of being hot and restless and still so activated after ceremony. By Thursday morning I felt much more rested, and it was also our last…

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September 9 — Into the Jungle

Large twisting vine looping between trees in the Peruvian Amazon jungle

Wednesday was our day off from ceremony, which felt really needed after how intense Tuesday night had been. I woke up still thinking about everything that had happened and still trying to understand what part of my reaction was about what had actually happened in the room and what part was about me, my own…

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September 8 — Anger, Judgment and a Sky Full of Stars

Magenta bougainvillea flowering beside a brick path at Blue Morpho in the Peruvian Amazon

I don’t know how much I slept Monday night, but Tuesday morning I got up, took a shower, and made it to breakfast by 8. Breakfast, Integration and an Incredible Massage The meals we are eating are very clean and satisfying. I had eggs, fruit, some oatmeal and lemongrass tea. I’m pleasantly surprised by how…

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September 7 — Arriving at Blue Morpho

Blue morpho butterfly resting on green leaves in the Peruvian Amazon

Monday morning I woke up pretty early, I think around 6:45, and went downstairs for breakfast at the DoubleTree Hilton. I had scrambled eggs, strawberry yogurt with granola and coca tea. Then I went back to my room and packed everything up and checked out. Segundo’s friend met me in the lobby with the motocarro…

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