October 23, 2025
The Second Ayahuasca Ceremony: Learning to Stay Present Through the Intensity
Arriving with Caution and Intention
The second ayahuasca ceremony began at 5 p.m., and I was nervous — mostly about the possibility of peeing my pants again while throwing up. This time, I was careful. I ate a light lunch, drank less water, and brought a new blanket to replace the one that had… well, lived through the first night. I didn’t spread it over my mat, just a simple sheet. I wanted to approach this night differently — clear, intentional, unburdened.
Maestro Hamilton suggested drinking the medicine slowly, in small sips. So I did. Between each sip, I silently prayed, welcoming the medicine into my body and asking for peace and gentleness — though gentleness isn’t exactly what I got.
The Medicine Begins to Move
I drank half a cup again, but this time in several sips. As Hamilton spoke at length in the beginning, I felt the medicine rise fast and strong in me. I wanted him to start whistling, to begin the icaros, but he kept talking, and I grew impatient — aching for the sound that opens the ceremony space.
Eventually, the singing began. Around that time, the nausea arrived, but I didn’t purge. Instead, I sat upright, breathing, staying with my body. The intensity came in waves of color, pressure, and pattern. I reminded myself not to fight it, to let it move through.
Holding My Ground Amid Others’ Journeys
There was a woman in front of me who kept crying out — asking if she was still alive, if she could go back to her room, if the ceremony was over. People gently tried to quiet her, and eventually, Hamilton asked her to stay silent. Still, her voice kept rising through the space, fragile and insistent.
Part of me wanted to help her, to take her back to her room. But another part knew — that wasn’t my job. I stayed on my mat and sent her silent reassurance instead: You’re okay. You’re safe. You’re here. Eventually, helpers guided her out.
The room felt charged — alive with sound, emotion, medicine. Through all of it, I felt capable of being there. That felt like growth.
Messages, Mishearings, and a Little Cosmic Humor
At one point, I felt a telepathic exchange with Hamilton — though I can’t recall what we communicated. There was even a moment where he said, “Abby, we’re going to need you for this,” and I sat up straighter, feeling oddly seen, as if I were a vital part of the ceremony itself.
Later, he sang what I heard as the “Abby Icaro.” My heart swelled — until I realized he was singing “Happy,” not “Abby.” It became the Happy Buddha Icaro, the Rubber Ducky Icaro, and a whole stream of joyful songs. I couldn’t help but laugh — that playful medicine humor breaking through the trance.
Coming Back to Earth
When Hamilton eventually announced that the ceremony was ending, I was still deep in it — surprised to realize it was only 9:50 p.m. when I made it back to my room. It had felt like an eternity. I moved slowly, carefully, still inside the experience. I sipped some water, lay down, and prayed for the medicine to keep helping me, even through the night.
The Morning After
At 8 a.m., the San Pedro tea began to circulate. I had about three-quarters of a cup, sipping slowly, followed by a lot of coca tea. The purge came — a combination of toilet and bucket in the bathroom — and afterward, relief.
Hamilton led a teaching about healing sexuality and the quantum nature of consciousness. Somehow, even in my fragile, altered state, it clicked. The medicine had opened something deep — and even the absurd (like the neighbor’s dog scratching at her door all night) felt like part of the great cosmic joke.
Dear Ayahuasca,
What would you have me know today?
My dear, do not fear. Keep your heart soft, calm and open for me.
You are doing a beautiful job. There is nothing different you need to do other than breathe in and out and take care of your body.
Allow me to do the work. You got yourself here. Now you are here and it is all in motion. Allow it to unfold little by little. Go slow. No rush, no push, no fear.
Like your ancestor George says, there is not a single thing wrong with you. I am here to help you upgrade to the next version that you will like even better.
Do not fear getting well. Give yourself this time and space for your wellness. You deeply deserve this.
All of the love your grandmother Helen poured into you. You cannot ever lose it. It fills you completely. It’s all yours to keep forever. Remember that it’s there always. All of that love is who you are, who you’ve always been. You might not always feel it all, but know it’s there and it’s all you are.
My love moves at the pace of the Peruvian clouds easing their way among the Andes against a brilliant blue sky.
Slow, sensually evolving consistently making their way without rushing or hurrying.
Asking for help
Please help me heal fully my feeling of being alone in the world and on the outside. Please help me remember to include myself in the beauty of the world.
Heal my body of my hip pain, my thigh, my weight, my body discomfort of being so heavy
Heal my sleep
Heal my dreams
Heal my self-consciousness and insecurity
Heal my addiction and attraction to unavailable men
I desire an easeful quick healthy body transformation where my body is fit, healthy, energetic, strong, supple, and has unimaginable endurance for hiking, walking, swimming, yoga, all kinds of movement.
I desire to live in a very beautiful nature abundant place with flowers, fruit, birds, flowing water.
I desire a partner by my side who loves to support me, hold me, love me, understand me, listen to me, treat me like a queen, walk in beauty with me, and cocreate a beautiful life with me.
I desire the financial resources, unlimited time and space to create art and beauty both alone and with others.
I desire to be able to easily, comfortably host friends and family at my home.